Raquel

When I was in the first grade I met a girl named Raquel. She was a little African-American girl with braids all throughout her hair. She and I befriended each other, and over time came to be quite the pair. I don't remember much of Raquel, but I do remember my very first sleep over ever, which was at her house. Our mom's met up at Chuck E. Cheese's fed us, and let us play for a while. When we tired of the ball pits and broken games I went home with Raquel and her mom. I was OK at this point, carrying my Little Mermaid sleeping bag, I might venture even to say that I was excited. It was dark outside when we got to Raquel's house which signaled bedtime. Her mom set up a Disney tent for us in Raquel's room-making this whole ordeal ten times more exciting for our seven year old selves. We laid in the tent and giggled, only to be hushed by Raquel's mom again and again. Finally, Raquel's mom went to bed, and left us together in the tent. I remember it being pitch dark. I laid awake inside the tent. After some time Raquel started to snore, which frightened me. I had never heard anyone snore before. I wanted to go home so badly. Every tiny sound made me jump. I was uncomfortable. I wanted to go home. Home, home. It took all the courage I possessed to knock on Raquel's mom and dad's bedroom door. Her mom came to the door in a little nighty and asked me what was wrong. Teary eyed I said, "I am scared and I would like to go home now." I felt my stomach drop when she said it was too late to go home, but first thing in the morning my mom would come pick me up. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. This was the most afraid I had ever been, and I didn't know how to deal with it. I wasn't in control at all. Raquel's mom told me to wait on the couch, and after what seemed an eternity alone in the dark she came out of her room, laid down with me on the couch, and flipped on the television. I vividly remember a commercial with a goldfish in a bowl, one I found to be quite funny. I remember drifting off to sleep, feeling safer. I have no memory of the morning, or how I felt afterward. I have disliked sleep overs since. I like to be in my house, with my things, and my own family.

The fear I am feeling regarding moving out is very much the same fear I felt that night at Raquel's. Completely new and I am left to find the tools to deal with this completely new situation...only this  time there's no one to hold me through it. This is me, never getting up to get Raquel's mom, but staring up at the Disney tent in the middle of the night and comforting myself to sleep, even through this new, intense fear that I had never felt. This new, intense fear that I have never felt.