Saturday, March 10, 2018

What Sara Said

I'm confident that no one reads this blog. In a space and time where I feel more comfortable typing than writing, I trust I can confide in the solidarity of this lonesome blog page. I'm 27 years old. Holy fucking shit. Nothing in my life has turned out the way I thought it would. Not a damn thing. Scratch that. I figured I'd have a dog by now. I did that. Just barely. If I'm honest, at 18, I imagined my 27 year-old self with several Broadway shows under my belt, friends in uncountable numbers, someone to share my life with, countries stamped all over my passport. What did I do wrong? The tidal wave of life swept me up with such determination I mistook it for Fate. I spill over the hours, days and minutes I've spent living. What was I doing? Where was I?

In the next ten years, I want to:
Hike several mountains
Climb the Grand Canyon
Visit the Colosseum
Make impactful theater with good people
Apply to be on the Amazing Race
Compete with my Dog
Put my AID into remission
Learn how to plant (then plant) a garden
Buy a house
Get married
Start a successful business/brand
Help people, somehow
Put out an Album (with at least ONE vinyl copy ;])
Write a Book
Learn another language
Spend more time with my family

 "If I move my place in line- I'll lose"

Wednesday, October 3, 2012


I was under some false impression that this time it would be different. The lesson to be learned here is that we need to appreciate what we have and stop wanting so much. By we, I mean me. I guess. This feels disappointing. He is otherworldly with his patience. I envy that.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012




Whispered Nonsense

I miss Nebraska. Lincoln, Nebraska is probably one of the most phenomenally beautiful places I've ever been. The grass, the architecture, the path of the roads, they all compliment one another so nicely. Everything feels ancient and the air is heavy with memories. It feels lived in, like a home.

Sometimes I miss Oklahoma. More often I miss what OKC meant to you and I, what it meant for our future. The independence it provided us and the bond we had to create to survive. It took a lot of trust. I am proud of us for that. Remember our first night there, on the balcony of the hotel? We were so hopeful. What a good memory...


Monday, September 10, 2012

End of an Era.

It's raining. I'm nearing the end of my day finally. I haven't eaten, I simply don't provide myself the time. I'm thinking of you. I wish you wouldn't hang me out to dry like this. I don't like it. It feels lonely. Did you mean anything you said? I wonder if you know how to do this. To me, it's similar to this: I commission an artist to paint me the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen. He does. I don't like it. This doesn't invalidate his talent or my dream of a perfect sunset, it's just not the right fit. You told me you'd paint my picture. Where is it?

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

If you should ever wonder

If you should ever wonder what I am doing, please know quite confidently that I am thinking of you. In your arms I am known. I am no longer a stranger to myself or to this world. I belong.

It must be fiction

He's pursuing me with a fierceness that I cannot describe. The consistency is astonishing, the effort unparalleled. He remembers everything I tell him and then some. Every time I turn around he's there, somehow. First thing in the morning and the last thing at night, "Like it should be" he says. Is that how it should be? I won't have him and he can't have me, but this works, whatever it is. I'm struggling to explain all of these complicated things to my heart, who loves so openly.