Monday, May 24, 2010

The Chain

I knew the night would come, I just didn't know quite when. The night when I would sit down and face it, grieve it, believe it and try and move on. Sitting alone on this couch I wish I could do something, change something, say something, anything to make something different, to make what happened better or erase it or let go of it.

Does it ever leave you?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


I'm doubtful. I'm too doubtful of today to think about tomorrow. I'm too scared to move, to breathe, to think, so I just sit and exist. Everyday I wonder how I spent the last, and I ask myself, like a broken record, "Why are you wasting so much time?" I could write about a million things... a million things that might be more interesting than the journey of my lost soul, but I can't seem to get out of my own head enough to do so. I'm worried. I'm worrying. I don't sleep anymore, maybe two or three hours a night... just enough to function miserably.

It's hard with you gone. Sometimes I feel like a piece of me is missing. I turn around to tell you something and you're not there and I have to remind myself of everything that's transpired. I miss sitting next to someone who knows me so well, lord knows these days I need someone who knows me to keep me grounded. But then again, when have I ever been grounded? As my 20th birthday fast approaches I think about what I've accomplished in 20 years, nothing extraordinary... no extraordinary plans. Is that what matters? What matters? Who matters?

I put myself out here for everyone to see... can I get some help? Some answers? I'll pray.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Again and Again

I could write a million words and never say a single thing. I could say a million things and never hear a word.

Oklahoma, save me.

Friday, February 5, 2010

It was bound to happen

I have so many things to say and yet nothing to say at all, and that, I guess is the magic of heartbreak. If I could find the words to make things better I would. If I could go back in time and change things, I would... but I can't and here is where I've ended up.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Today Was Just Another "Today"

I don't know what to do.