Friday, August 31, 2012

The only thing that comes is the post-traumatic stress

You think you're such a man? Act like one.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Flats and Sharps and Autotune (does this make me a jerk?)

I currently attend a community college where there is karaoke going on at 11:32AM in the "Student Lobby". Everyone is sharp or flat. I blame auto-tune. Auto-tune is not real life. You cannot try to make yourself sound like the radio. Re-creating that sound with your voice is foul, foul, foul.... and damaging, damaging, damaging.... and ANNOYING, ANNOYING, ANNOYING. I wish you could hear this. No I don't, actually. No. I don't. Neither do you. #rantsofasinger PS- NO ONE SHOULD EVER "COVER" NICKI MINAJ

"We made our beds and we lie in them, proud. Proud of our great mistakes."

Monday, before class, we grabbed dinner at the Eegees down the street. Walked into class, Eegees in hand, sit down and realize neither of us has any paper or anything to write with. This is our typical MO. When we moved to Oklahoma we showed up with a Tacoma full of shit, $200 and each other.... knowing not a soul within 800 miles. I can't help but laugh. I can't really even be mad. It's who we are. We have lived so fully in THIS moment together that the next moment has always seemed inconsequential. We do what we feel like doing, and little else. That makes me happy. When we are one, a team, not an individual, we flourish. As individuals, separate from each other, we wither and corrode into a distrustful pile of nonsensical garbage. The problem is, you can't be a team all the time. You can't latch on to one person and claim them as yourself. We must live independently of each other, in harmony. We have to make it work, meld, move when it isn't easy. When the road isn't paved or the bricks don't align. When my opinion's different and when he seems stubborn and unforgiving. We cannot only flourish in times of equal mind. Forever means forever, not just sometimes. How hard it is to know that. <3 K

Monday, August 27, 2012

Our Gravest Misfortunes

You make me smile. Even when you're not here. Suddenly you're my first thought it the morning, my last at night. The songs on the radio, even the cheesy ones, make me think of you. I am at a loss for words when they ask me how you make me feel. All I can do is smile. Resistance is futile because what's meant to be will always find a way.

If you'll read this

If you'll read this, I don't know. If you do, I want you to know that I'm not who I used to be. Part of me will always love you, care for you, be with you. But I cannot simply revert to what we used to be. It took me too long to recover after the things you did to me. It took me too long to realize I wasn't broken, that it took both of us to do what we did. I am in a place now where I can look back and know that what happened was for a reason. It's a good place. Please don't bring me out of it. Sincerely, K

It's especially peculiar

He always knows when something's up. He can read me like a book. I guess I'm still transparent. Maybe even predictable. It feels heavy to me,  that he knows me so well. It feels too infinite, too close. Lately I just want to be alone. I want to write my music, I want to sing. Mostly I want to be relieved of all the expectations. I'm tired of having a curfew. Imagine that.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012


You're gone now, but everything we ever did lives on inside of me. I miss you on days like these. Days like the day I wandered into your theatre and caught you staring at me. Days like the day you twirled me around in the rain and professed your undying love to me beneath the safety of a jungle gym. The rain that came on show night, just before curtain and how you helped me onto the stage in my too-tight dress. I wonder what you're doing now and if you're happy. Sometimes I wonder if we sat in a room together what we might say. The things that may transpire. Would I fall in love with you all over again? Would I regret the things I thought but never said, the way I left when it was time to end? Do you remember all the nights we spent wide awake deep in the throes of a knock-down-drag-out fight? These things happened. Where are they now? They lie hidden away only in pictures and memories. I loved you so. I loved you. I wonder, when it's quiet and you can hear the rain, if you ever think of me.

Holy Hell, Batman.

I have no words for you, only unexplainable thoughts.