I'm doubtful. I'm too doubtful of today to think about tomorrow. I'm too scared to move, to breathe, to think, so I just sit and exist. Everyday I wonder how I spent the last, and I ask myself, like a broken record, "Why are you wasting so much time?" I could write about a million things... a million things that might be more interesting than the journey of my lost soul, but I can't seem to get out of my own head enough to do so. I'm worried. I'm worrying. I don't sleep anymore, maybe two or three hours a night... just enough to function miserably.
It's hard with you gone. Sometimes I feel like a piece of me is missing. I turn around to tell you something and you're not there and I have to remind myself of everything that's transpired. I miss sitting next to someone who knows me so well, lord knows these days I need someone who knows me to keep me grounded. But then again, when have I ever been grounded? As my 20th birthday fast approaches I think about what I've accomplished in 20 years, nothing extraordinary... no extraordinary plans. Is that what matters? What matters? Who matters?
I put myself out here for everyone to see... can I get some help? Some answers? I'll pray.