"Places!!"

I wish I could take a vacation. It's been so long since I've been out of state, to somewhere I'd really like to go. I wish I could go back to New York. I want to spend my money on a ticket there, obviously I can't.

I feel like I failed myself a little bit, because for the longest time I had myself convinced that I'd be going to college somewhere specific to my love of theatre. I was convinced that I was going to be somewhere else. Somewhere I belonged. Yet, here I sit, getting ready to move into an apartment for a year, my schedule of classes sitting on the table, and again my entire year is planned out in front of me... but this time, instead of everyone telling me what to do, instead of being able to blame this on requirements and such, I did this to myself, I chose this for myself. I don't have to do anything, don't have to go to high school anymore... don't have to be here anymore. Here, here I am. And there's a little part of me that pulls on my heartstrings and reminds me of all the things I wanted to do this year, reminds me of how I wanted to be, reminds me of all the things I said I'd do, and all the things I said I wouldn't. Of course this sounds a little melodramatic because I have so many years left to do these things. Still it's sucks that I'm doing what I swore over and over I would never ever do. It sucks that I have to spend another year trying desperately to get to where I really want to be.