Silver

Dad has a blog. He writes in it as a journal, so that one day his children, and possibly their children can read it and have an insight into who he was as a person, and what was important to him at different times in his life. I write because I feel--far too much. Sometimes if I don't write, I freak out. It's been this way since I was about eight.

When I was 6, Nana (my grandmother), who lived in a different state at the time, brought me a journal. At six, my handwriting was atrocious. She told me to write two things I was thankful for in it every single day. In my first entry I write "i am thankful for my babbysitter and my mom and my dad." Surprisingly I spelled most of it right... but that isn't to say that half the letters aren't backwards. If you read it, you can see that as the number of my years climbed higher, so did the number of entries. At 8 years old I wrote that I was NOT thankful for my little brother, Austin. I must have forgotten at that point, what the journal was intended for. As I enter myself in the 5th grade there are a mess of entries. All of them are about boys. Looking back I can hardly keep up with myself. One page I <3 Chris, then Garret, then Sabian, then Austin, then Jeremy, then back to Chris and so-on. I remember how nervous I was to go to school and see any one of these boys. Ridiculously nervous, like a small, small child being forced to go on a roller coaster. Or the kind of nervous you get when you're sent to the Principal's office in grade school. I would never be that way now. Then, I get a lot older. I win Homecoming with Charlie and write it down as the happiest day of my life. I write pages and pages and pages on how much I am in love with HE. I wrote sincerely, always, but I did write for myself. Though I was writing "Dear Journal" I was really writing "Dear Kate"... Sometimes I wish I could go back to the younger me, and have a conversation. This journal, is the closest I'll get to that. Eventually I ran out of pages. So I stopped writing. I got a livejournal. But livejournal was different. I would write, mostly, for the people who were going to read it. If I wrote in it the way I did in my journal, I would have been teased, hated, etc. etc.

This blog is different. I write not to document events, or to impress my readers. I write because most of the time I think too much-- feel too much, and have to get it out on paper so they can burden me no more, threatening the life they belong to.

Silver because we're the Millenial generation Dad says. I am, my generation. I see similarities in all of us and sometimes I think we should be called the "Baby Mama Drama" generation. We all speculate too much, tag ourselves with problems, investigate our feelings till we're blue in the face. I am guilty of this as well. I am a drama queen in my head, and everything MEANS something. If that makes sense...

There's a boy I know EQ. I've known EQ for about two years and we get along brilliantly. Never bored of each other. We go months at a time without talking, then talk for 6 months, then lose touch. Even after almost three years he keeps coming back. So what is it that he's in my life for? What is EQ here to teach me, show me, help me through? I strongly believe that we change each other. That we're here in each other's lives for specific reasons. I am always looking at everything like a learning expirience-- "What did I learn from that friendship?"...

Anyway... I am off topic now and confused about what I really am trying to say, so I'm wrapping it up.

Next Blog Title Challenge: Names of pets all throughout your lifetime. Ones that meant something.