reluctantly, honestly

I hate feelings.

More importantly,I hate discussing my feelings.

Today mom, JA [mom's fiance], CJ, AJ and I sat down to discuss our feelings about the move. Awkward.

I don't talk about my feelings. I feel them. If I'm a real emotional bind I call RJ and she fixes me. I don't want to sit here and tell my mom that I feel as though she's abandoning me a bit. I don't want to sit here and tell everyone how bitter I am that I was moved six times between 2nd and 8th grade. Now is not the time for that. I hope the time for that never comes. No matter how much you "communicate" things never change. People just feel guilty, and hurt. Nothing changes. So I'd rather keep my feelings to myself, thanks.
I've always really liked my dad's approach to "feelings". Dad asks me if I'd like to spend some time with him. Out at dinner, mini-golfing, whatever. We go to talk over things and maybe we'll mention it briefly over food, but mostly we just spend time together and laugh. To me, this is much more healing than "discussing" the problem. Sometimes people just need to be reminded that they have someone there for them. Someone to take them out when they're sad. Dad does a good job at that.

I'm walking around in a sea of boxes. Depressed and distraught. Wishing, hoping, praying that this will all be over soon.