With love, Princess

For the last four years, off and on again, (mostly on) - HE has been my partner in crime. HE has been the one I've bounced everything off of, HE's been my love, my life, my best friend, my worst enemy, my parent, my sidekick, my addiction, my suicide, my everything. Somehow, through it all, through the lies and the cheating and the dishonesty I can't shake him. Laying down in bed at night HE's the last thought that flickers through my mind, no matter what. No matter how hard I try, HE's the last thing that crosses my mind before I fall into sleep. I've tried everything, but every time I turn around, there HE is. He is in every song on the radio, every passing glance, every stranger on the street, HE is the one that catches me every time I fall. When I say I love him, I mean it. I couldn't ever explain it to you in words, I couldn't compare it to anything I've ever seen, or felt. I couldn't say it in a song, or with a gesture. But when I look into his eyes and tell him that I love him, I know he understands.

And amidst all of this, something is missing. Something I can't put my finger on exactly. Something I wish I could fix, if only I knew what it was. Maybe it's the inevitable space between two people, maybe it's the groove we fall into. Maybe it's the comfort that comes with knowing someone as well as HE and I know each other. Maybe it's the awkward quiet because you have nothing more to say.

I remember it so clearly, like it was just last night. It started to sprinkle. He was wearing a navy blue Yankee sweatshirt. I was in my pajamas. HE hugged me and tried to keep me from the rain. His hands clasped tightly around the middle of my back, my head resting in the crook of his neck. I was shivering, and standing on my tip toes. It was then that we became us. From that moment on, not a moment has passed when I haven't thought of him. My heart knew, from the moment our eyes met, that this was to be our journey, our challenge, our blessing. That HE and I were simply meant to be. Nothing more, nothing less.

With all of my heart and all the stars in the sky...