Saying Goodbye

"Hey, I'm around kinda where your apt is. Should I txt you when I'm done with dinner?"-CC
"Yes, please. :)."- Me
2 hours later..
"Hey, I'm done... directions please?"-CC


CC and I have been friends since my freshman year in high school. Despite what we've been through I am convinced he helped me survive what had proved to be a tough year for me. In fact, CC has helped me through a lot... maybe not always intentionally, but nevertheless, he's been a good friend.

CC and I are a lot alike. I think as a result of this we've knocked heads a lot. We are both egotistical, insecure, competitive, controlling, leaders. On the same token, we've been able to sit in a coffee shop for 8 hours at a time and just talk... about everything. CC and I experienced so much together in high school. We fell in love, fell out of sync, cried, laughed, explored, discovered. He used to come over to my house at 12am, knock on my window and stay until 3am. He used to come over and spend the night when my mom went out of town because he knew I was afraid... he protected me- once calling the police because of some weirdos outside my house. He often came home with me after school and raided my refrigerator and ate my Flintstones vitamins. I remember one time in particular he came to my house because neither of us could sleep. We had just explored the basements at school and were absolutely petrified. He sat in the corner of my sectional couch drinking a juice box (his 3rd or 4th I am sure) and eating leftover pizza from the fridge. The TV was on mute. We sat only inches from each other... and I sipped on his juice box and shared his pizza.
CC and I shared the same dreams and aspirations... we used to sit in his car in parking lots and sing along to our favorite musicals, always "practicing" but for what, we weren't so sure. Always asking the other's opinion on our own talents... each other's best critic. We lurked together, many times, in our director's office to find traces of the next (very secret) musical our school would put on ... laughed until we cried, screamed at each other and were completely irreverent, psychotic, irrational, and hilarious. Time and time again he and I consulted each other for advice, looked to one another for a shoulder to cry on... and more often than not, it was there.

"I'm almost there, I'll call you."- CC

All of this is running through my mind as I race around the apartment in an attempt to make it look nice. It's the first time he's seen it. I'm picking up the clothes and humming a song from my favorite musical trying to forget that he's leaving in a few hours. Trying to keep my heart from completely falling into my stomach, I am hoping he calls later rather than sooner.

CC and I always planned to go off to college together and I had never, ever, not until this very moment, thought that we would have to be apart. Maybe I avoided the notion.

I answer the phone, "Hey baby"
He responds, "I'm here!!!"
I walk out onto the balcony and lean forward, "I can see you...."
He responds, "Ok... creeper..."
I don't think I had ever been so happy to see him. He looked wonderful, glowing almost. He looked happy for the first time in a long time. Pretending like we weren't here to say goodbye, I invited him into the apartment. I casually showed him around all 544 square feet. Introduced him to the roommate. He sat on my bed with me for a few minutes and we chatted about how nervous he was to be moving so far away, and how much packing he still had left to do. It was already 11pm and he was leaving at 5am that morning. CC and I always had procrastination in common.

"You should get going then, retard" I said jokingly.
He agreed and we walked to the door. We walked outside and down the steps. He took my hand and held it as we walked to the car. I rambled about how far away he parked, avoiding the goodbye. He grabbed me and held me tight saying he'd miss me. I tried to wish him luck, and safety and happiness all through my tears. Reminding him not to forget me, not to fall off the face of the earth, to come home soon, to spend my birthday with me, to enjoy himself... as he was going off to live our dream.


"I love you" He said as he let go and walked to the door of his car.
"I love you, too" I replied

I watched him get in the car and started to walk away, sobbing all the way back to the apartment. I tried to compose myself outside the door, walked inside, and lost it again. I sat on my bed and bawled for a good hour... looking for someone to console me. CC and I had often fought and no one understood why I was so upset about his leaving. The only one who could possibly understand the complexity of my feeling at that moment was CC.

"I miss you already..." I texted him, knowing he'd still be awake
"I miss you already." He replied instantly