"Did you know...."

HE and I used to talk on the phone (years ago... three and a half years actually) for hours. We used to start as early as 9pm and talk until the sun came up. I vividly remember holding the phone to my ear, snuggled up in the sheets, the TV on mute- something to provide light- watching the window...dreading the first ray of light the sun might shed... knowing that, when it did, we'd have to hang up and get some sleep. We used to talk about everything... stupid, stupid stuff. I remember my stomach used to hurt from laughing at him so hard. We were trying to impress each other, i think. There were times when we talked about our most intimate moments and I felt so connected. When we were lucky enough not to have to be on the phone, we'd lay in bed together, late into the night and early into the morning, telling jokes, talking about our theories on the universe, and we were content with that- with each other. I was interested in what he had to say- genuinely, and happy to have someone to talk to... someone who i could tell everything to... bar nothing- nothing at all.

I don't think i will ever be able to describe how close I felt to HE in those moments, how in love I was with my new best friend, how I no longer felt alone- but that I would forever have someone on my team, loyal, always there. Laying next to him in those moments I felt comforted. I meant it so much when I said I could've laid there forever. I wanted to lay there forever. We could have, and we didn't.

Now I sit here and reminisce and I want to know why it had to go away, why those intimate, intense, warm, chilling, electric moments had to fade. I want to know why we don't talk anymore. I want to know why there is no longer someone on my team, I want to know why I am suddenly alone, I want to know what happened to my companion. And to my own question I reply, HE's right here...

...but he's not.