Carousel, again.

UPDATE UPDATE: My director has YET to be an asshole to me! WOOO HOO. We've been doing music and working mostly with the accompanist while he watches... and he's yet to tell me I suck! Awesome! ... Last night was the first night we actually worked a scene. I was scared out of my freaking mind that he was going to absolutely tear me to shreds- but it was all fine.

I enjoy the direction he gives. I think I'll learn a lot from him by the time this is all over and done with. He didn't direct me really, at all. He directed everyone around me. I've yet to discern, in any show, whether it's a good thing or not when the director doesn't criticize or direct you. Either I am doing exactly what he wants, or he's not paying attention to me. At any rate he's not being a jerk- which I appreciate on all levels.

Let me put the rehearsal process into perspective: Last night there was a scene with Billy and I which begins on page 16 and ends in the middle of page 18. We blocked (laid out, set up) this two page scene for two hours. It took two hours because every time Billy spoke, Mr. Director had another way for him to say his line, or another path for him to walk. I was enjoying this because Julie (me) in this scene is sitting on a bench. So from a safe distance I was able to watch Mr. Director drive Billy crazy by giving him conflicting direction. Needless to say I was rather bored after a while.

The thing I've realized with Mr. Director is you just have to take what he says and to his face, treat it like gospel. "Oh, yes [Mr. Director] that's a great idea, I completely see where you're going with this" and do what he says... word for word. The minute you start to argue, or alert him of the fact that he's giving conflicting direction you have an issue. So, just sit back and take direction... and ignore the fact that he mutters, "actors..." in a very disgusted manner every five minutes.

Two interesting things about Mr. Director: Mr. Director has a Ms. Stage Manager. Ms. Stage Manager sits on the couch and takes notes while we rehearse... blocking notes. Oftentimes Mr. Director stops to give us direction [DUH!] and Ms. Stage Manager will pipe in and try to agree, or reiterate. The hilariousness comes when Mr. Director looks at her and says, "Please." and dismisses her with a wave of his hand. "Please"- pleading with her not to give direction. The look on his face gives everyone, including her, the impression that she's not qualified. If I was Ms. Stage Manager I would be offended by this, hurt, saddened and would surely never make the same mistake again- but I am not Ms. SM and Ms. SM is not me... and time and time again she interjects... and time and time again she is rudely dismissed. I enjoy this interaction between Mr. D and Ms. SM.

The second thing I've noticed is that Mr. D makes incredibly dramatic faces when he watches our scene play out. I can see every emotion that we are supposed to be emitting on his face. When Billy is rude to me [in the scene], Mr. D opens his mouth in SHOCK as though this is the first time he's ever seen the scene. It's like he's watching a very dramatic horror movie, with unpredictable twists and turns. It's almost as though he's trying to be funny. He looks like someone trying to impersonate a very dramatic person- only he's not. I enjoy that he enjoys it so much... watching us every time, like it's the first time.

So far so good with Carousel people. Now that I've written a freaking novel about it... sheesh.

I GOT IT.

We did a full read through of Carousel tonight. I'd never read the script in full... and I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. FINALLY I have something to attach myself to, something to care about, something to create a character out of. All hope is not yet lost, I may love musicals as much as I thought I would. Thank you, Carousel. *whew*

The End.

Oklahoma! ended on Sunday. I could have bawled my eyes out if I didn't have Carousel to think about. For the past eight weeks I've been with that cast 15+ hours a week. There's something to be said about the camaraderie formed within a cast. Being that this was my first lead in a musical (and very nearly my first musical) the entire experience was completely new to me. Reading back on the rehearsal diaries I posted in August and the posts I made after starting the run of the show it's obvious that I was not completely thrilled with the musical experience. In retrospect I can't say that I feel any different now than I did then.

For so long I have put musicals on this brilliant pedestal as being something that only the most talented people can do. I've made them my ultimate goal. All I've wanted for the past three years was to be the lead in a musical- and here it was. The thing about musicals (or at least this one) is that I felt no attachment to the material. This could very well be because R&H have very little meaning or subtext beneath all of their hokey songs and dialogue. When I've done theatre in the past (straight plays) I have become extremely involved in my work and oftentimes so attached to a character that I can't shake it. Maybe it's because this was my first musical, and I'm just barely getting my feet wet. Maybe with more experience I'll be able to pull the same emotion I rely on in straight theatre and plug it into my musical characters. Either way I am willing to be it's going to be difficult. It's hard to sustain a reasonable, believable, meaningful character when you've got to break for song every five minutes and are (at least in my case) semi-worried about what you sound like. We'll see.

Either way I will miss my cast. Eventually I'll miss Oklahoma too... but for now I have heard ENOUGH of those songs. Blegh. Too bad the ones in Carousel SOUND EXACTLY THE SAME.

"Give it to 'em good, Julie. Give it to 'em good!"

Tonight was my second night of rehearsal for Carousel. Naturally, after my rather horrific audition experience I have been hesitant at rehearsals. Last night went well. As a cast we went over all of the group numbers in the show. After the Oklahoma! matinee I was dead tired and standing on my feet and singing for three hours was the last thing I wanted to do... but with that said, Mr. Director was not unkind.

Tonight was a rehearsal for all of the girls, myself, and the other lead, Carrie. Sometimes I wonder what the hell Rodgers and Hammerstein were thinking. In some of my songs I feel as though they ran out of ideas and stuck some lyrics into the song to finish it up. For a girl who loves moving music by the musical geniuses Stephen Sondheim and Jason Robert Brown ... R&H is a little hokey. To their credit, however, the musicals most well known song "You'll Never Walk Alone" is quite heart wrenching and has almost brought me to tears several times (which is completely beneficial to me since I am sobbing throughout the song anyway...).

Tonight I was early to rehearsal just to be sure that Mr. Director has no cause to yell or scream at me. Because I was so early it was only Mr. Director, Beth (a woman from the cast) and I sitting at the table. Beth and Mr. Director have been friends for 30+ years. I watched them sit and talk about previous shows they've done together and try and recount all of the hilarity. In watching them I realized that there's nothing to be afraid of. Mr. Director is just another human being. The ridiculous things he says can be taken in and then let go, just as easy as anything else.

Standing in front of the piano, score in hand, frantically attempting to read my music, I was absolutely thrilled that I accepted the part in the show. For now, everything is good.

"It's your WHAT!?"

Last night I went to the cast party for Oklahoma. It's nice to be around people who share the same feelings you do about acting. We got to talking about theatre we'd done in the past and upon announcing this is my first lead in a musical my director and several others gasped loudly, asking me how that could be. The oppourtunity has never presented itself, really... until now. I've only auditioned for two other musicals in my entire life. They argued amongst themselves about how it could possibly be that I've never been a lead in a musical before when one of the men in the cast says, "No, no you see... her big career is AHEAD of her. She's only at the beginning just yet!" My career? It's a cool thing, to have someone you look up to say something like that. He thinks I have a career ahead of me? :).

It made me feel good, like if someone else believes in me, then maybe it'd do me some good to believe in myself.

Mode

Maybe I'm lazy. I am either lazy or stubborn, or both. I hate college.I dislike class. I don't dislike "college" or the idea of college. I am still trying to figure myself out, but it's one of two things... I'm not doing what I love in school (well tough shit everyone has to take these stupid general classes... I know). I'm not doing ANYTHING I like in school and I don't really have a goal. Everything is still up in the air as of now. My major is undecided, and so is my future. The second thing: I am LAZY. All of this college nonsense takes work. "If I'm not getting what I want, I refuse to participate in anything else..."... this is where my stubborn theory comes in.

If I could have it my way like BK promises, I'd take the next year off to do community theatre, dance and take voice lessons. This is the part where I realize that I am both lazy and stubborn. Lazy in that I HATE doing GenEd work, and stubborn in that I refuse to do anything but what I want to do.

This post means nothing, just mindless rambling in PHIL110.

SAY WHAT

Ok- so I am spending my morning applying for schools... ready?

Carnegie Mellon
Cincinnati Conservatory
Boston Conservatory
OKlahoma City Un.
... I can't remember the others at the moment...

But anyway-

last year my kind father drove me to LA to audition for Cincinnati. I seriously failed my dance audition: the solution? Taking ballet... knowing what all these silly french turns are... I'm realizing now that maybe I should wait and audition FALL 2010 ... to get some ballet under my belt. Auditions for Fall 2009 are Feb 8.. too soon to learn ballet?

What do you guys think?