Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Hate Post.
Yeah, I hurt. I hurt just like you. I'm human and I hurt. Lately the hurt has been so overwhelming that I can barely bring myself to live this life. I can barely get up in the morning, shower and get to class. I can barely bring myself to see that I have no missed calls, nor texts from you. Your insensitivity is something I try not to bring to my own attention, but time and time again it comes back to haunt me. It was never anything I could point out, the insensitivity. It was always subtle and hidden beneath resentment and regret, hidden beneath convinence. The comments are backhanded, crude and often disguised but they hurt nonetheless. And I wonder, after all of these years, why I continue to put 110% into everything I do for you. Why I lay in bed at night and dream about our future. Why I strive to make you happy, fill your voids and comfort you. I wonder why. I wonder why, after loving you for so much and for so long I can't just let go. I wonder why you can't just love me back. I can say these things because I know you'll never read this. I can write these things because even though you're sitting just two feet away, you'll never know they've been written. You'll never strive to seek the insides of me, you will never ache to know my dreams and aspirations as I do yours. You will never visit my blog in hopes of getting some insight into the girl you claim to love. This is what breaks my heart. This thoughtlessness and insensitivity.
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3 comments:
I know what it's like. Maybe instead of letting your world revolve around his attention, his acknowledgement of your existence, you should just let yourself be happy, be alive in every way, even brushing your teeth. Instead of being black hole trying to suck him in (lol sorry) be a super nova, so bright he can't help but be blinded by your awesome. If he still doesn't make you feel special, like you matter, then he isn't worth your time. People who make you feel like the way you wrote are not worth the time of day.
Quit your whining and forget about him. Just go live your life to the fullest by yourself, and someday a decent guy will stumble along into your life when you least expect it. The kind of guy you want is one who is successful, and he will be looking for a chick who is also successful in her own ways. Get your tail out from between your legs and go live life and have fun. Get your career inline with your dreams, and the best way I've found to forget about an ex is to go sleep with as many people as you can, and don't get attached to anyone in particular for a while. At least a few years. This will help you figure out what you're looking for in a guy anyway.
It's easy for josch to say what they're saying, but if your feelings for this guy are anything like mine for this girl I know, then you won't WANT to forget despite the hurt, and you won't want to be off around with other people just for the sake of it.
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