Babel

I was under some false impression that this time it would be different. The lesson to be learned here is that we need to appreciate what we have and stop wanting so much. By we, I mean me. I guess. This feels disappointing. He is otherworldly with his patience. I envy that.

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xoxo
K

Whispered Nonsense

I miss Nebraska. Lincoln, Nebraska is probably one of the most phenomenally beautiful places I've ever been. The grass, the architecture, the path of the roads, they all compliment one another so nicely. Everything feels ancient and the air is heavy with memories. It feels lived in, like a home.

Sometimes I miss Oklahoma. More often I miss what OKC meant to you and I, what it meant for our future. The independence it provided us and the bond we had to create to survive. It took a lot of trust. I am proud of us for that. Remember our first night there, on the balcony of the hotel? We were so hopeful. What a good memory...

xoxo
K

End of an Era.

It's raining. I'm nearing the end of my day finally. I haven't eaten, I simply don't provide myself the time. I'm thinking of you. I wish you wouldn't hang me out to dry like this. I don't like it. It feels lonely. Did you mean anything you said? I wonder if you know how to do this. To me, it's similar to this: I commission an artist to paint me the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen. He does. I don't like it. This doesn't invalidate his talent or my dream of a perfect sunset, it's just not the right fit. You told me you'd paint my picture. Where is it?

If you should ever wonder

If you should ever wonder what I am doing, please know quite confidently that I am thinking of you. In your arms I am known. I am no longer a stranger to myself or to this world. I belong.

It must be fiction

He's pursuing me with a fierceness that I cannot describe. The consistency is astonishing, the effort unparalleled. He remembers everything I tell him and then some. Every time I turn around he's there, somehow. First thing in the morning and the last thing at night, "Like it should be" he says. Is that how it should be? I won't have him and he can't have me, but this works, whatever it is. I'm struggling to explain all of these complicated things to my heart, who loves so openly.