Little Shop of Horrors

My new obsession.

Little Shop of Horrors is a wonderful musical.

The End.

Oklahoma! ended on Sunday. I could have bawled my eyes out if I didn't have Carousel to think about. For the past eight weeks I've been with that cast 15+ hours a week. There's something to be said about the camaraderie formed within a cast. Being that this was my first lead in a musical (and very nearly my first musical) the entire experience was completely new to me. Reading back on the rehearsal diaries I posted in August and the posts I made after starting the run of the show it's obvious that I was not completely thrilled with the musical experience. In retrospect I can't say that I feel any different now than I did then.

For so long I have put musicals on this brilliant pedestal as being something that only the most talented people can do. I've made them my ultimate goal. All I've wanted for the past three years was to be the lead in a musical- and here it was. The thing about musicals (or at least this one) is that I felt no attachment to the material. This could very well be because R&H have very little meaning or subtext beneath all of their hokey songs and dialogue. When I've done theatre in the past (straight plays) I have become extremely involved in my work and oftentimes so attached to a character that I can't shake it. Maybe it's because this was my first musical, and I'm just barely getting my feet wet. Maybe with more experience I'll be able to pull the same emotion I rely on in straight theatre and plug it into my musical characters. Either way I am willing to be it's going to be difficult. It's hard to sustain a reasonable, believable, meaningful character when you've got to break for song every five minutes and are (at least in my case) semi-worried about what you sound like. We'll see.

Either way I will miss my cast. Eventually I'll miss Oklahoma too... but for now I have heard ENOUGH of those songs. Blegh. Too bad the ones in Carousel SOUND EXACTLY THE SAME.

"Give it to 'em good, Julie. Give it to 'em good!"

Tonight was my second night of rehearsal for Carousel. Naturally, after my rather horrific audition experience I have been hesitant at rehearsals. Last night went well. As a cast we went over all of the group numbers in the show. After the Oklahoma! matinee I was dead tired and standing on my feet and singing for three hours was the last thing I wanted to do... but with that said, Mr. Director was not unkind.

Tonight was a rehearsal for all of the girls, myself, and the other lead, Carrie. Sometimes I wonder what the hell Rodgers and Hammerstein were thinking. In some of my songs I feel as though they ran out of ideas and stuck some lyrics into the song to finish it up. For a girl who loves moving music by the musical geniuses Stephen Sondheim and Jason Robert Brown ... R&H is a little hokey. To their credit, however, the musicals most well known song "You'll Never Walk Alone" is quite heart wrenching and has almost brought me to tears several times (which is completely beneficial to me since I am sobbing throughout the song anyway...).

Tonight I was early to rehearsal just to be sure that Mr. Director has no cause to yell or scream at me. Because I was so early it was only Mr. Director, Beth (a woman from the cast) and I sitting at the table. Beth and Mr. Director have been friends for 30+ years. I watched them sit and talk about previous shows they've done together and try and recount all of the hilarity. In watching them I realized that there's nothing to be afraid of. Mr. Director is just another human being. The ridiculous things he says can be taken in and then let go, just as easy as anything else.

Standing in front of the piano, score in hand, frantically attempting to read my music, I was absolutely thrilled that I accepted the part in the show. For now, everything is good.

Curtain

Something is wrong. I am sitting here in the dark, on my Macbook at 1am, unable to sleep. I am feeling empty and unfulfilled. A feeling I've been experiencing quite possibly since the minute I was handed my diploma, but more so lately, since I've moved out. At a loss- not knowing who I am, where I've been and what I'm doing. I'm waiting for the stage to save me, as it always does- opening night I walk out underneath those unforgivingly, bright lights and I am home again. I am everything I ever wished I could be and more; I am content, I am at peace, I am in love, I am happy. I am the person I want to be. I am waiting, waiting, waiting, ever so patiently for the stage to save me.

Millie

The last time I cried this much was when I found out we weren't going to have a musical. Something I had waited for since my freshman year, something to work towards, something to look forward to. I remember sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor sobbing, unable to form words between my gasps for air. I remember trying to tell my mom what was wrong. I am still trying to figure out why I put so much stock in that. 

That experience didn't teach me a lesson, build my character, or make me stronger human being. It made me a bitter person. 

Love always,  

Kateonbroadway

Rehearsal Diary 3: Show it to me before opening night

Last night after rehearsal I was standing outside with some of the cast members chit chatting about new musicals and such (nerdy theatre kids...) and my director comes out the door and makes a b-line for me. She pulled me in close to her and said, "Honey, I need you to be louder, and more confident... like you were during auditions!" Taken aback I promptly assured her that I don't know this music, and as soon as I learn it she will hear the confidence & volume she requests. 

This angers me. Never before in my life have I heard this music. Tonight was our first rehearsal, and needless to say I've been listening to the OBC recording, some parts are left out and were never recorded. I have NO IDEA what these parts sound like, so upon singing them, Yes, I am a bit hesitant. "You need to show it to me before opening night", she reprimands me. 

I'm angry. I get into my car and call my voice teacher begging for an emergency lesson. So today at three I will go into my lesson & learn my music. 

AOIGHEO:ENFIPWHFPQEHJROJEQIOGHVBUEGWBFIHQEBFO!!!!!

Rehearsal Diary

I can feel my heart beating in my chest, dreadfully nervous. The girls sitting across the way glaring in my direction and whispering when I say my lines doesn't help much. Already feeling completely insecure- they're making me feel unwelcome. I am called on stage and I am completely flustered as I feel like I am being harshly judged by the chorus girls. I forget which is stage right and which is stage left and I'm frantically writing in my script trying to keep cool on the outside. The stage lights are melting my makeup and I feel so very out of place. It's my line again and I gently slip back into my southern accent, into my character, into Oklahoma. I forget about the chorus girls, the stage lights and stage directions and I begin to do what i love most, lose myself in someone else. The director's voice brings me back to me and I feel an overwhelming sense of disappointment. I hold my breath until we begin again.

Towards the end of this rehearsal we sing together as a group. There is a girl who sings particularly loudly. She holds the notes out at least two beats longer than necessary. I am getting the feeling she is trying to be heard. It makes me even more uncomfortable as I remember how many times she congratulated me on getting the lead yesterday.

Apparently the boy that was cast as the lead male in this production bailed. I am left without a lead to share the limelight with, and it's proving uncomfortable. I am feeling alienated without my other half. I don't want to be the only object of their jealousy, I want someone to buddy up with, while all of the rest of the kids my age seclude themselves on the other side of the room.

I am learning something from this. I must be learning something from this. I have to be learning something from this. Please let me be learning something from this.

Oklahoma--- where the wind goes where?

I went and auditioned for Oklahoma! last night @ The Red Barn Theater... which quite literally looks like a red barn. It was a good time. I sang (a very tiny bit of a song from a musical) and then they had me cold read from the script (which requires a southern accent!! So cute!) It was an open audition, so I sang and read in front of my competition, which is good and bad. My Nana came with me and told me afterwards that she saw how much acting filled me up, how all of a sudden my demeanor changed and I looked happy and excited. "Well duh" I told her. It's what I love to do, how could that not make you excited? The director was a very sweet lady, she said she's been directing for years. She did not once look up at anyone performing- she just listened. She said she knows how it feels to be on the other side and she always likes to call people no matter what- so on Thursday she'll be calling us all to let us know what parts we got, or what parts we didn't get. Lucky enough I got to fill out this sheet beforehand that said whether or not I would take ANY part and which part would I like to be considered for (I put the two lead women... again another DUH) I also checked that NO I wouldn't accept any part. I did this not to be snotty, but to prevent myself from spending a ton of rehearsal time on a show that I'm in for less than five minutes. I will be sure and let ya'll know which part I got, or didn't get :p

Cricket

I love to sing, it's my favorite thing to do. When I was young, very young, my dad nicknamed me "Cricket" because I was always singing- how appropriate.

Today I got to do my favorite thing. Joe- a boy I went to High School with -is a very talented singer. He and I sang in the talent show together last year, and have met up again today to delve into another duet. "Move On" from Sunday in the Park with George, and maybe you could guess... it's by my favorite.. Stephen Sondheim. We ran through it once or twice and posted ourselves on youtube to be judged by the world. We're planning on performing this duet at a recital in September.

More exciting though, than our meeting today, is our plan to sing something from my all time favorite musical, Sweeney Todd. That would be the dream.

There is a list of parts I want to play before I ... kick the bucket. The part that tops that list? Wouldn't you like to know!! Mwuahaha... to be continued.

cautiously, loudly

My voice teacher says I don't have the body type nor the dancing skills to do Musical Theatre.

So I can't dispute her first claim really because it's true. I'm not a skinny minny. But I could be.

Her second claim however, is absurd. I can name a billion musicals that don't have dancing in them. The Last Five Years, Sweeney Todd, Songs For A New World, Aida, Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, Tick, Tick, Boom, Seussical... etc. etc. Sure, they've got choreography.... what show doesn't? I can get choreography. Just because I haven't been dancing since I was six doesn't mean I can't catch onto choreography. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I don't need to learn movement. I'm just saying that I wouldn't just not be cast in The Last Five Years [a show with no dancing] just because I can't dance. If I can sing my ass off and act my ass off better than those before me, then why not?

So instead she suggest that I become an opera singer. Sure, I've got an appreciation for Classical music but I do NOT want to be an Opera singer. "Kaitlyn, you even have the face shape of an opera singer..." WHAT!? "You have the biggest voice in the studio, bar none..." THEN WHY CAN'T I DO MUSICAL THEATRE!?

If this 'dancing' is such a big deal, then why didn't I have to do a dance audition to get into the U of A, huh???

I continue to sing, sing, sing. I sing classical, I REVEL in Musical Theatre. I'm supposed to be listening to classical music. Stevie [my voice coach] says I'm an amazing mimic, and that if I could just ingrain classical music into my head like I have musical theatre, I'd be set. But I hate listening to Opera. I do it anyway.

I love Musical Theatre. I'd give the world one million times over to have the chance to sing in a musical every day for the rest of my life. WHY, WHY, WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP TELLING ME I CAN'T. CAN'T CAN'T. SHUT UP.

I'm going to do it face shape, body type, dance skills or not.