First Things First

This is a letter to everyone and anyone who may ever come across this blog space.

Hello! Welcome to the internet. This is my blog where I write very candid (and sometimes not-so-candid) things about my life. More likely than not there will be people included in this blog (they will always remain nameless) that are familiar to those of you who read it. However, just because it is posted here does not mean it is true, accurate, applicable....etc. This is where I write about what MY brain thinks. If you cannot handle it, please make your way to another blog space. It is extremely difficult for me to begin an entirely new blog simply because there are certain people in my life who can't handle the context in which I post things here. There are a lot of pieces in this blog that I am attached to and don't wish to dismiss at someone else's request. I will continue to post what I please. For those of you who have been loyal readers without judgement, thank you. Please, keep reading. For the rest of you, you are not invited back.


Sincerely,
K

Needles

In the wake of the mystery a stranger says to me, "Don't worry, baby. Just trust me." and I do.

You Don't Only Steal My Sanity

I'm not sure what the next step is. I'd ask for your help but my voice can't be heard from where you are, and now I'm afraid that I'll have to be my own salvation. I feel regret for having brought us here, but once something is done...it's
.....you know the rest.

#loveyounomatterwhat

It's Painful

I didn't think.
I didn't think much on coming back.
I didn't think much on coming back to all of this.
I didn't think much about how bittersweet it could be.

Alas, the time has come and I have to think about it now.

But this city knows me well. Upon returning she offered me several gifts of appreciation; mostly in the form of irreplaceable memories. She also offered up some old gifts, ones I had thrown to the wayside, ones I took to the local thrift shop when I decided to change lives. I found them scattered all along the streets, and as I drive, they flood my brain like a Mississippi rainstorm can flood a field: changing the state of its crops forever. I don't know if I like it. I guess I didn't think much about that.

The Chain

I knew the night would come, I just didn't know quite when. The night when I would sit down and face it, grieve it, believe it and try and move on. Sitting alone on this couch I wish I could do something, change something, say something, anything to make something different, to make what happened better or erase it or let go of it.

Does it ever leave you?

Doubt

I'm doubtful. I'm too doubtful of today to think about tomorrow. I'm too scared to move, to breathe, to think, so I just sit and exist. Everyday I wonder how I spent the last, and I ask myself, like a broken record, "Why are you wasting so much time?" I could write about a million things... a million things that might be more interesting than the journey of my lost soul, but I can't seem to get out of my own head enough to do so. I'm worried. I'm worrying. I don't sleep anymore, maybe two or three hours a night... just enough to function miserably.

It's hard with you gone. Sometimes I feel like a piece of me is missing. I turn around to tell you something and you're not there and I have to remind myself of everything that's transpired. I miss sitting next to someone who knows me so well, lord knows these days I need someone who knows me to keep me grounded. But then again, when have I ever been grounded? As my 20th birthday fast approaches I think about what I've accomplished in 20 years, nothing extraordinary... no extraordinary plans. Is that what matters? What matters? Who matters?

I put myself out here for everyone to see... can I get some help? Some answers? I'll pray.

Again and Again

I could write a million words and never say a single thing. I could say a million things and never hear a word.

Oklahoma, save me.