Hate Post.

Yeah, I hurt. I hurt just like you. I'm human and I hurt. Lately the hurt has been so overwhelming that I can barely bring myself to live this life. I can barely get up in the morning, shower and get to class. I can barely bring myself to see that I have no missed calls, nor texts from you. Your insensitivity is something I try not to bring to my own attention, but time and time again it comes back to haunt me. It was never anything I could point out, the insensitivity. It was always subtle and hidden beneath resentment and regret, hidden beneath convinence. The comments are backhanded, crude and often disguised but they hurt nonetheless. And I wonder, after all of these years, why I continue to put 110% into everything I do for you. Why I lay in bed at night and dream about our future. Why I strive to make you happy, fill your voids and comfort you. I wonder why. I wonder why, after loving you for so much and for so long I can't just let go. I wonder why you can't just love me back. I can say these things because I know you'll never read this. I can write these things because even though you're sitting just two feet away, you'll never know they've been written. You'll never strive to seek the insides of me, you will never ache to know my dreams and aspirations as I do yours. You will never visit my blog in hopes of getting some insight into the girl you claim to love. This is what breaks my heart. This thoughtlessness and insensitivity.

Suspension of Disbelief [LOST spoilers]

Sometimes I wonder about whether or not I need help. I am an absolute mastermind when it comes to suspending my disbelief during television shows and movies. Unfortunately this has caused a large problem for me. I wrap my soul around these television shows and can’t seem to unwrap myself when the season is over. The LOST season finale was on tonight, and now that Juliet has died, the bomb has been detonated and Jacob has been killed… I don’t know what to do with myself until January 2010. I’ve got to take this day by day, minute by minute even. Rest assured I’ll be rocking myself to sleep every night until January.

kateonbroadway.tumbler.com

=)

Priorities

Yesterday was a day of sorting out priorities. What is a priority?
Priority:
-Precedence, especially established by order of importance or urgency.
-An established right to precedence.
-An authoritative rating that establishes such precedence.
-A preceding or coming earlier in time.
-Something afforded or deserving prior attention.
... OK: It's something more important than something else.

I think sometimes we don't exactly know what our priorities are. Maybe we think we know, but really we don't. Talking to HE last night I realized I was not as high up on his priority list as he was on mine. Maybe he didn't realize this, but I sure did. We discussed it and he provided several excuses for which I really didn't give any heavy consideration to. The simple fact of the matter is that if something isn't your priority it's because you don't want it to be. Of course, this is where I would argue that "Yes, my family is a priority... I just don't have the time to see them..." but really, if they were my priority, I'd drag my butt down to see them more often. And this is the simple, sometimes harsh truth. This discussion with HE prompted me to consider my priorities and they, of course, are not where they should be... but hey, I'm 18 and there's room for improvement.

So, are your priorities where they should be? Really?

It saddens me that I no longer frequent this place which I used to love.

Communication

Communication is extremely important in all relationships, in my very unprofessional, young opinion. This I know, not only because I have heard hundreds of adults regurgitate that same statement over and over throughout my very short life, but also because I have come to experience the consequences when that statement is regarded as being untrue. Does that make sense? Basically, I'm noticing more and more the effects that a lack of communication can have on all type of relationships.

Of course, there's every day communication. Things that keep a relationship, well, a relationship. Simple babble about one another's day, telling jokes, sharing stories etc. Then there's the kind of communication that is necessary to maintain a functional level of happiness and peace between the two parties. This communication is the kind I have the most trouble with. The talks that begin with me saying, "Well, it's just that lately I've been feeling..." or "I really think we need to talk about..." etc., etc., fill in the blank. Now this not only applies, for me, to romantic relationships, but to relationships with friends and family as well. It's mostly difficult because I feel that in order to make you really understand where I'm coming from, I have to twist and turn my words so much that by the end of the conversation I've completely lost what I was trying to say in the beginning. My meaning is so morphed that I can no longer argue my point or feeling anymore, I'm merely conforming to what I think you want to hear. Now, of course, this is something I need to work on. It's hard for me though, I'm finding, to hurt feelings.

OK, OK, OK!

I am going to ATTEMPT to REMEMBER that I have a blog per request of some of my dearest friends...so here goes!

:)

maybe I will begin to repost. Who knows.